I need a holiday / break really bad. I've been working straight (including weekends) for the past two months. When I am out with friends all I can talk about is work. Most of the things I write in my journal / blog is about work. I am boring people with all my work talk.

I'm glad October is over, now I can finally get a break. Tomorrow I will go on a road trip to the beach with my cousin. She also needs a break after a long and tiring semester. Things to pack: swim wear, books, i-pod, film and my lomo LCA+.

Now I have to focus and finish the country report lay-out so I can head for the beach! Wheeeee!!!


.

The fates, the universe or if there is a higher being are all telling me to slow down. It started Wednesday last week when I was in Jakarta. I just finished a full day program (meeting in the morning and public forum in the afternoon) for the steering committee of the Jakarta process (a platform of National Human Rights Institutions, NGOs, women's commission and UN agencies working on issues of undocumented women migrant workers) when I realized my laptop charger went kaput. I needed to work on my reports that night and needed my laptop to work.

Since I was in an unfamiliar city, I asked the hotel folks to direct me to the nearest electronics center. Good news, the mall was just next door. I went to the mall before dinner only to find out that the electronics shops close early. It was 6.30 and the shops close at 6PM. My flight to Manila was early morning the next day thus I will not have the time to buy another charger before leaving Jakarta. My only hope was at the transit airport in Singapore. Otherwise I will have to wait for Manila and this means another day wasted.

I had a three hour stop over in Singapore and I planned to use my time looking for a charger. I went to several electronics shop but I guess my computer was meant to rest that day as they had no charger that could accommodate my toshiba. By then I was really stressed and mad. I have deadline and I hate wasting hours in the airport! There must be a way to charge my computer!

The staff at the electronics shop was friendly enough and tried to help me find a solution for my problem. We found an energizer battery pack that enables your laptop to run for another six hours. It was amazing at the price of 325 Singapore Dollars! Aaaarrrrrggghhhh!!! It also works for cameras, i-pods, or any device with a USB charger. But, how do I pay for the device? I was desperate and the first thing that came to mind was: credit card. I'll be broke for the next few months but since I travel a lot I will be able to use the gadget for my camera, phone, i-pod and laptop. I figured it was worth it.

I crossed my fingers and paid by credit card. It had three year warranty and since I travel a lot to Singapore for work, I could have it fixed or replaced anytime. I was excited to try it with my laptop however after 10 minutes of charging my laptop, the dang thing refused to work! Holy mother of crap!!! I just wasted a lot of money on this pile of shit! I went back to the electronics shop and the staff helped me out but we could not make the gadget work for my laptop. What the freak is wrong with the universe? It works with other laptops in the store, laptops bigger than my mini toshiba how come it refused to work for my laptop? The staff was starting to sweat trying to figure out what was wrong. All the cables were ok, the device fully charged, it worked on my other gadgets but not with my laptop. Then the staff finally said: "Can't do anything lah. Not working lah. Not sure why but your flight leaves in a few minutes and I will have to refund." When I heard the word REFUND I was a little bit appeased. I guess I was not meant to buy this super duper expensive shiny cool gadget.

The store was able to refund my purchase but I will have to check with my credit card company and make sure they don't actually charge me for the purchase.

Now, my dad to the rescue. I had no choice but to ask my dad to help me get a charger for my laptop. Since I'll be arriving in Manila in the evening, I won't have the time to buy a charger. Luckily Dad's office is near the electronics center in Cubao thus he was able to buy me a charger.

The story however does not end there. By Thursday evening my laptop was fixed and ready to work. However I was not. I was really tired and was having a fever. By Friday morning I showed up at work and was able to answer a few e-mails before I gave up. By afternoon my temperature was up and I was feeling nauseated. My co-workers asked me to go home.

Friday evening my fever was bad and I could not get up. Saturday morning came and I was still not well. By then I was throwing up and running to the toilet every thirty minutes. The doctor's verdict: stomach flu. It could be caused by airline food or water in Jakarta. I don't really know. Whatever caused it totally ruined my weekend. I was in pain the whole weekend and survived on water and gatorade.

The weekend actually made think about my wok plan for the month of October 2009:

1-4 October : Sri Lanka Consultation, Colombo Sri Lanka
13-16 October : Nepal Consultation, Kathmandu, Nepal
22-23 October : JUNIMA / UNDO HIV/AIDS and mobility steering committee meeting in Bangkok, Thailand
26-29 October : Jakarta Process steering committee meeting, Jakarta, Indonesia

On top of the above I have to work on the country reports and proposals for our resource partners. Now I wonder why I'm having a breakdown.

I'm feeling a bit better today and relieved that the month of October is over. There will be hell to pay for my unfinished reports but that will have to wait. I don't have the energy to face that for now. I'm trying to focus on recovering my strength so I will have the energy to face my boss and co-workers.

You ask how I spent my favorite time of the year, Halloween? Sorry folks I was stalled on Halloween. No Friday night with the drinking buddies, no mega masquerade ball on Saturday and no family reunion on Sunday. Engine conked out.


tatcee

P.S. Sorry Hap and Archie, had to skip friday night's dinner. Perhaps next time. =)

What's a blunderbus?

According to WIKI:
1. The term blunderbuss is of Dutch origin, from the Dutch word donderbus, which is a combination of donder, meaning "thunder", and bus, meaning "Pipe" (Middle Dutch: busse, box, tube, from Late Latin, buxis, box).^[1]

 
In Tolkien's Farmer Giles of Ham:
2.However, Farmer Giles's blunderbuss had a wide mouth that opened like a horn, and it did not fire balls or slugs, but anything that he could spare to stuff in. And it did not do execution, because he seldom loaded it, and never let it off. The sight of it was usually enough for his purpose. And this country was not yet civilized, for the blunderbuss was not superseded: it was indeed the only kind of gun that there was, and rare at that.

--------------------------

<sup>Last nights' conversation about grammar and plurk for the monkey brained reminded me that I’ve been making a few blunders at work. Maybe my body is telling me that I need a break, vacation perhaps or some down time. The past two months have been manic and toxic. My office has asked me to travel almost every week for different programs. On top of this I have to coordinate the country consultations on the GFMD and supervise the writing of at least 12 country reports. I also need to write program proposals so we can fund raise for next year’s activities. I’m not whining mind you. I’m glad that I am given more responsibilities because this means I am somehow capable. However, my body is having trouble catching up. Fatigue gets to me fast and each morning finds me running high on caffeine.

I know that stress is getting to me as I’ve been a blunderbuss at work lately. I mean it the way Tolkien describes farmer Giles’ weapon. Since I'm running low on energy and stressed most of the time I operate like Farmer Gile's blunderbuss. My blunders are small but my co-workers are starting to notice. Some of the incidents are actually funny. Here are a few of them:

The case of 1 people

Me: Hello good afternoon! Is this the Bangkok Christian Guest House(BCGH)? I’m calling to confirm my room reservation.

BCGH: Yes, Bangkok Christian Guest House. How may I help you?

Me: I made a reservation by e-mail under the name of Ma. Lorena Macabuag. I’m calling to confirm my reservation.

BCGH: What name? MALORENA?

Me: Yes, Ma. Lorena Macabuag

BCGH: No MALORENA in list. You want reservation? No MALORENA

Me: Yes, please reserve a room for Ms. Ma. Lorena Macabuag for -----(date)-----. Single room.

BCGH: One peoples or two peoples?

Me: One peoples (thinking: Arrrrrghh! Did I really say that?)

My Boss: (standing a few feet away from me with a big grin on his face) Tatcee, one peoples? Really? He he. What’s up with you today?

Me: (embarrassed and blushing red like a tomato) yes, a reservation for one person please.


Killed

That’s not the worst part. My boss asked me to reply to an e-mail for one of our resource partners and here’s what here’s part of what I wrote:

. . . In relation to the categories of killed and unskilled migrants the network . . .


I just killed a bunch of migrants. *seesh!* Why did I not review my e-mail? Of course the spell check will not notice this as skilled and killed are both valid words but the meaning is totally different.

When my boss saw the error he was laughing and he said: "Do you know that you just killed a bunch of migrants in your e-mail?"

*seesh!* I'm so lucky I was not fired. My boss is pretty understanding for a slave driver.</sup>


 

There are bad days and days that turn out to worse. You wake up with a headache from a really awful nightmare about your ex boyfriend and his current wife. The song playing in your mind is a bad rendition of New York, New York from Frank Sinatra. It is time to take a really cold shower to get rid of your headache. Then, you realize, "What the fuck!!!", you are 30 minutes late for work and have not finished the write up your boss asked you to do a week ago.

Oh hell, how do I get out of this rut of a life?!!!? I need for caffeine to kick in and do its job. I need to re-write the script of my life. I need to finish a lot of things in my to do list. I need to get a better job. I need to go back to school. I need to read more books and watch less TV. I need stay away from twitter, plurk and all other social networking sites so I can sleep early. I need to work out more or enroll in a gym. I need to see more of my friends. I need to drink less caffeine. I need to feed the cat. I need to stop complaining and whining like a baby.

Go figure.

Work has been dreary lately and it's tough to find motivation to finish the things that I have to do. Don't get me wrong, I like my job and it's not just a career choice for me but more of a commitment. NGO work is difficult and there are very few opportunities for career growth. Salary scales are also not high and sometimes not commensurate to the effort you give. It is not for everyone.

This is not a rant post. I am a bit distracted lately and writing helps me focus. Writing is my form of occupational therapy. Lately I find myself spacing out in the middle of a work day or doing mundane things such as filing or re-arranging furniture. This means I have to spend more unproductive hours at work.

When I try to think of reasons why I am so unproductive it boils down to fatigue and the absence of another team member. I checked my schedule for August and I realized that I have been to three countries in just one month (Singapore, Vietnam and Bangladesh - No wonder I'm exhausted!). Some people think I am lucky to have the opportunity to travel to all these countries. In some ways I am but in our line of work you actually spend very little time in these countries. You spend most of your time in a conference or in meetings with network members. Then there is the issue of adjusting to a different time zone. When you finally get adjusted to the country's time zone, you find that it's time to leave for Manila.

On the absence of another team member, I believe I am still affected by Dennis' death. I am normally emotionally dysfunctional and dealing with grief is not easy for me. Last Monday William requested me to send out a circular to thank the organizations and individuals who sent their condolences to the Secretariat and Dennis' family. It's now Wednesday and I still have not written the circular. I still expect Dennis to show up every Thursday. *sigh* I hope this will soon pass.

*********************

On another matter, today is September 2, the death anniversary of JRR Tolkien and Martel's birthday. I saw a recent photo of Martel and he gained weight again. He also looks old, like in his early 40's when he is only 35. Oh well so much for online stalking.

Bitch cakes! I'm still fuming over the loss of my phone. For those who don't know it yet, my phone was stolen when I was in Hanoi. The city is definitely not a a safe place for expensive electronic equipment.

How did this happen you ask? I am normally a carefully traveler as I travel a lot for work. I have traveled alone in several countries and cities for the past 5 years and I have never had anything stolen from me. I always double check if pertinent documents and electronic gadgets are safe before I leave my hotel or go anywhere. This is a first.

My mobile was stolen when I was in a crowded Hanoi market. It was partly my fault for trusting the people around me. When I go to markets I normally do not carry a big bag as it attracts too much attention and not good in a crowded placed. But since I had no small bag that day I took my backpack with me. The office folks asked me to look for laptop bags/backpacks. We were informed that it was cheaper to buy them in Vietnam and available in most of the outdoor markets. I had six hours to spare before my flight to Manila.

I figured I could at least visit one museum or park before buying the bags. My first task was to get a map of the city. Maps were not available at the hotel and I had to go to the post office to buy a map of Hanoi. My plans changed when I saw that the market was actually close to the post office. I set out to buy the bags as requested. The market was as usual crowded. After visiting 8 shops I finally managed to find the backpacks. I sent the girls a message informing them that I had their bags. Afterwards I put my mobile inside my backpack and waited for the receipts. I suddenly noticed that a man was standing to close beside me, too close for comfort. After I received the receipts I noticed that my backpack was open and my phone was missing. I checked and re-checked but the phone was really gone.

When I realized my phone was really issing I screamed for help and informed the people around me that my phone was stolen. I pointed at the man beside me and told the stall owner that he stole my phone. However I was in Hanoi and very few people speak English. Nobody understood what I was saying and just stared at me. By then I was hysterical and asked the people around me to check if the man had my phone. In the hot and humid market I was ranting and screaming in English to people who could not understand me. After a few minutes and hysterical hand gestures they finally understood that my phone was missing. I wanted to call the police to report but nobody understood what I was trying to say. Since there was no police and nobody to help me, the man was not searched at all. But, he did produce and old nokia mobile, gestured to me and said something in Vietnamese. He was most probably saying this is my phone and why are you accusing me of stealing your phone. This is no proof of course but I could not call anybody or talk to somebody who can understand or respond in straight English. *sigh* People stared as I made a scene but nobody wanted to help.

The event was not reported to the police and only reported in this blog. I wanted to cry in the middle of the open market but I had to calm myself down or I might end up having more things stolen from me. I went back to my hotel e-mailed home and my office that my mobile was stolen. I asked my parents to call globe to di-activate the simcard as well as to block the phone.

Damn! I still can't believe that my phone was stolen! Bitch cakes!

I spoke to globe today and they have blocked the sim card as well as the phone. They told me apple will also block the software of my phone so it will not be accessed at all. I hope this will actually work. They said it will work. However knowing South East Asia and the prevalence of piracy in the region I bet they will still be able to unblock the phone. I just hope that the phone will reformat once it is blocked. I would hate for some stranger to access the lomo library I saved in the phone, my files and messages.

Life sucks right now. My number is once again activated and I am back to using my trusty old nokia. I like my old nokia phone but lately the software has been acting up. When my inbox is full the phone hangs up and crashes. I need to have it repaired but since I need to leave for Bangladesh tomorrow, repairs will have to wait for another week. Bitch cakes!!!

I heard from NGO friends and other colleagues that there are really a lot of pickpockets in Hanoi. Some NGO folks who have been to the city had their wallets and mobile stolen as well. Lesson learned: be extra careful with electronic gadgets when you travel and if they are expensive make sure you have them insured. Bitch cakes!

Just posting photos of my family. Here are some of my favorite shots using Gimli.